I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
