i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize