Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Are we still banned from the library?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
