Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My butt remains clenched, sir.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
