Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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