yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I believe in your delicious
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
