He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
