Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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