Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
