How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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