You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
