uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
