highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
