I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
