Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
