..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
