my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
