She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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