she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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