The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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