I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
