I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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