There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
