strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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