Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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