I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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