Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
porn star boner night. come get it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
