The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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