I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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