Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
organizing the empties. That sober.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
