I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
