It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who died my cat blue again?
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