you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
