can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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