im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
