Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
