so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
