either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
