Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
