if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
