Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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