The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
