respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
