epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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