That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
