wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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