Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My Sexting was not on an AP level
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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