you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
try to milk me bitch
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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