I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
