Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Randomize
Follow @tfln