His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here