i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.