Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"