It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
