is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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