you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
