That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
