i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
