He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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