ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
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Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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