considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize