Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize