so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
