Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
