Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
