its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
