he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
