I cockslap morals
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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