you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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