whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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