he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
