i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
