i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
