On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
