Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
