Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize