Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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