dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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