what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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