I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
