I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
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