he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize